![]() ![]() Now, the second big cause for defensive listening is having experienced being discarded and rejected like this many times in the past.īrad, trying to communicate: “ I really wish you were more affectionate towards me”Īnna, defensive listener: “ I am affectionate towards you. Shaun is holding a grudge about his stress at work being unacknowledged! Shaun, defensive listener, in this case is holding a grudge related to the very thing Julie is trying to communicate: Julie complaining about work only reminds Shaun how angry he actually feels about it all.īut rather than explain and communicate his anger, he just lashes out. He feels really stressed because of this and has been holding a grudge towards Julie (and people in general) for many months. Imagine that Shaun ( defensive listener) has been working really hard and carrying more of the financial responsibility in that relationship. The first one being that they hold a grudge related to the very thing that you’re trying to communicate.Ĭonsider a situation like in Example 1, with a bit of back story: There are two main reasons why your partner might be struggling with defensive listening. But if it happens very often in your relationship, it can lead to an unhealthy amount of fighting. Like I mentioned before, every couple struggles with this issue to some degree. Stop blaming me!”ĭefensive listening is your partner responding to something you said by either discarding it, or by attacking you because of it. You’re just too needy.”Ĭhloe, trying to communicate: “I can see that you’re upset about something. ![]() Shaun, defensive listener: “You always complain about everything.”īrad trying to communicate: “I really wish you were more affectionate towards me”Īnna, defensive listener: “I am affectionate towards you. Julie, trying to communicate: “Uhh work was so stressful today” That’s why before giving you any definitions I will first outline a few examples of defensive listening in a conversation: Some concepts are best explained with examples though. Examples of Defensive Listeningįully understanding what defensive listening really is will help you notice it when it happens and will enable you to deal with it in a healthy way. In this blog post I will help you understand what defensive listening is exactly, why it happens and what to do to get your significant other to actually hear you out. If you’ve been feeling silenced and discarded by your partner lately, chances are he or she is struggling with defensive listening to a degree that is harmful for your relationship.ĭon’t worry though, there is a lot you can do about this! However, there are varying intensities when it comes to defensive listening. ![]() To be honest, every single couple has to deal with this issue to a greater or lesser degree. It’s a way of miscommunicating that causes a lot of problems in relationships. If this happens to you, it’s very likely that your partner struggles with defensive listening. Have you ever tried telling your partner something only to have them shoot you down or worse yet, turn the conversation into a fight? ![]()
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |